A couple of weeks ago Bella's soccer coach sent out an e-mail asking parents to volunteer to be line refs for the upcoming season. This would require 11 hours of side line reffing that could not be done during our soccer games, not to mention the 8 hours of training it would require. Needless to say the response was overwhelming. People couldn't wait to jump at the chance to wear a yellow jersey, short shorts, high black knee socks, and black tennis shoes for 11 hours of your life.
The sarcasm should be obvious.
But in case it wasn't, I'll tell you who couldn't wait to do that...ME. In fact, I can't imagine doing that. Not only the poor fashion statement, but it would take only one angry parent yelling at me and I would be in fetal position asking for my mommy.
Then the remarkable happens...my son steps up and volunteers to do it. This teenager who barely leaves his room to eat volunteered to go to all the training, do all the games, AND wear shorts that don't go below his knee. Wow.
He asked me if I was going to come watch any of the games he was going to ref. I told him that I didn't think that would be a good idea because that same woman who would be in fetal position if a parent yelled at her would go mama bear on anyone who yelled at her kid. I don't want to walk down that road...not a pretty sight.
Today we went to pick up the uniform and we also picked up these bad boys.
His yellow and red cards.
On the way home I got a lesson on how to pull them and when to pull them. After this brief lesson on soccer rules it became even more apparent why I should never be a ref...the rules of soccer are very subjective and way to complicated. I would need to consult a flow chart with every call, and clearly that would not be very efficient.
We also decided that everyone needs a set of these cards, and you should be able to pull them on people who commit various personal fouls. For instance, if you drive slow in the fast lane...yellow card. Do it twice, red card, and you must leave the freeway. Be unnecessarily rude...yellow card. Do it twice, red card, and you must never speak again. If you commit a fashion faux pas, immediate red and you must go home and change. You see we realized that if everyone was able to do this we all would be much nicer to each other, think twice before we said or did something stupid, and the world would have to endure less butt cracks and daisy dukes.
Of course Andrew in his short shorts would be exempt...naturally.
- A Ro