Just a quick post to give a big Hallelujah!!
Rich is coming home today from a very happy and successful visit to Iowa to see his kids. He got to spend a lot of time with both of his kids and they had an absolutely amazing time. He took the kids therapists advice and tried to get his daughter more comfortable with my family by taking her to my nephew's birthday party. She was kind of bored (as the party was mainly for 4 year olds) so they didn't stay long, but she got to see my mom and brothers and start to get more used to being around my family, which her therapist thinks is important.
They also did some clothes shopping and Rich figured out quickly that he really needs to pay attention when she is trying on something and not just get her what she wants, as he didn't make such a wise jeans purchase and Mom made them take them back (rightfully so I might add). He told me he thought they were a little tight (but she had her shirt un-tucked so he didn't see just how tight they were, first mistake) and didn't like the fact that they had holes, but that the sales clerk told him they were ok...well duh she wanted to make a sale.
Uh, honey, pre-teenage girls in tight jeans with holes...no wonder Mom didn't like them.
They also had a great session with her therapist. The therapist commented on the fact that since he and Mom were getting along this trip and really communicating that had such a positive impact on the kids. They don't have stress when the parents are getting along. He really took that to heart and is determined to make this work. She also mentioned that sometimes kids are afraid to tell mom how they really feel about certain subjects, namely me, because they know if they admit that they really like me it might hurt her and they love her so much that they don't want to do that. I can really understand that and can't blame them for throwing me under the bus so they don't hurt mom...I really do care for them and want them to have a happy home life and can put my frustrations aside and really do what I can to minimize stress and help them adjust to having me in their life. I know how they really feel about me and just need to remember that. I am constantly in awe at what children will do, subconsciously, to protect the ones they love. It is obvious they love her so much.
Rich has been so impressed at how well he and Mom have gotten along this trip. They have had some really great conversations and hopefully have turned the corner. They really do love their kids and are putting a lot of pain behind them to move forward.
I hope this post doesn't upset S, my anonymous commenter. I really just want to express how I am feeling and make a promise to do better on my end. I am in Rich's life for good and want to do anything I can to make that work for all involved. I really am a good person who has been caught up in fighting what I thought was the good fight for justice but now I realize that I was fighting the fight for selfish reasons.
I am glad he had an amazing time, and I hope that someday we can move back there to be closer. I know how much he is missing them right now, but am glad he is on his way back.
- A Ro